For The Birds
by Chiron's Arrow
Summary: Life in the big city can sometimes be strange. Life with the Avengers...well, that is always going to be strange. Some days Darcy regrets coming to New York and working for SHIELD and the Avengers... Today may just be one of those days.
1. Chapter 1

FTB- Chapter 1

Darcy bent over and adjusted the zipper on her boots with a disgusted sigh. She could never find knee high boots that fitted her comfortably; they always pinched her toes or were too tight in the shins. These were of the shin-torturing variety and were insisting on unzipping as she walked – she could have sworn they fit better in the store. As she tugged the little zipper nub higher she once again she wondered who exactly they were designing women's clothing for? Blouses never fit her chest, boots never fit her legs… So now, the zipper on the left boot was driving her mad, digging into the side of her knees every time she took a step.

"Nice undies, chica!" warbled a voice behind her.

Darcy straightened up abruptly, startling a pigeon into flight as she spun around, smoothing her skirt, prepared to give some rude jerk a piece of her mind.

There was no one there.

The only living being within twenty feet was an old woman sitting on a bench feeding pigeons. The little old lady was paying her no mind, engaged in a lively conversation with the flock. And she didn't look like the type to play practical jokes on twenty-something girls; even if she was crazy enough to talk to pigeons. Darcy huffed to herself and began hobbling across the green, throwing the wrapper from her sandwich into a convenient wastebasket on the way. She pulled a wrapped cookie out of her purse and began munching as she meandered towards the subway station.

"Please miss. I am so hungry, may I have a bite of your food."

Darcy sighed and walked a little faster trying to ignore the voice; she was a New Yorker now, she was not supposed to stop and give away all of her lunch. Well, not every day at least.

"Hey, Miss, Miss! She picked up her pace, hoping distance would help salve the savage sorrow that always tore at her when she encountered one of New York's many homeless people. Just then a group of pigeons broke off from the old lady's flock and settled in front of her causing her to break her stride.

The pigeon's sleek grey bodies pumping as they strutted, bobbing and twisting their heads, beady eyes focused on the cookie in her hand. "Shoo!" she shouted, waving her arm in front of her to scatter the birds. It didn't do much good, causing the few closest to fly up and resettle further away; but for the most part the flock continued to gave hopeful chase. "Dirty things," she muttered "you are not getting my cookie."

"Oi," another warbling voice spoke up "where you get off calling me dirty. I just took a bath in the fountain over there."

Darcy screeched to a halt, spinning around to try to identify the voice. _Did that pigeon…No, of course not._

"Stark!" she hollered into the air. "Knock it off!"

The birds panicked and took flight; as they winged away from her Darcy was almost sure she had heard a confused babble of conversation.

Just as she had nearly reached entry to the subway station a woman screamed.

Darcy reacted automatically; hours of experience in the Avenger's training rooms coming into play as she ducked off to the side, looking for cover. She came to rest behind a convenient trash can, her taser grasped firmly in her hand as she scanned the area. There were no apparent threats but a hubbub was formulating about twenty feet away. Darcy couldn't quite hear the conversation, but it seemed to center on two middle-aged housefrau's; probably fighting over a man, or the last Gucci knock-off purse from the sidewalk vendor. This _was_ New York, you never knew..

Just as she started to relax, the adrenaline leeching from her system, a voice piped up from beside her "Oi! This is my spot ya big girl."

Darcy started, and swung about, leading with the taser. But the day was just continued getting weirder: once again there was no one there. She didn't need three guesses who as responsible for the weirdness; Iron Moron had been harassing her with pranks all week – it was not like it was her fault that he was an old guy! "Stark," she said, sotto voiced, "I don't know how you're doing this but it is not the time."

"Name's not Stark, ya daft thing, It's Veronica. Go find your own hiding place."

Darcy looked around and then down, with a certain amount of trepidation forming in her breast. There, in a dim corner formed by the edge of a planter and the garbage can she was sheltering behind, was a muted flash of grey and a shiny black eye. Darcy leaned forward slightly, peering into the gloom; a fat pigeon was eyeing her beadily, hunkered down in relative safety. Darcy shoot her head in disbelief, _been hanging around the Avengers to much recently_, she thought.

With a dark mutter about Tony Stark and his idea of jokes she returned her focus to the plaza before her; whatever had happened, the moment had passed. The crowd, light as it was for this time of day, had moved on as the natives quickly continued on with their business. Slipping her taser back into her bag, she stood cautiously, only to swear as the blasted zipper on her boot dug deeply into her leg again. With a little growl she bent over to tug it back into place again.

"Oh my!" said the voice "Are you wearing Fredrick's under that suit?"

Darcy gaped as the pigeon came waddling out of it hiding place, its grey head bobbing back and forth. "Um…y. ?" she stammered staring down at the bird at her foot.

"Oh I do like that!" burbled the bird as it strutted between her legs and peered up. "Boring on the outside, slutty on the inside. The whole Madonna-whore thing - it's a classic combination."

"Although, I'm not entirely certain that matching your shoe and panties color is entirely appropriate – perhaps just a bit too much. Or maybe it's the color…"

Darcy shrieked and danced away from the peeping pigeon, her hands flapping in stunned surprised before digging frantically through her shoulder bag.

"Careful, you enfant! Do not step on me!" scolded the bird as it flapped up and lit on the edge of the planter.

Darcy stopped, clutching her bag to her chest, pigeon in the sights of her taser. She gasped for breath, her heart racing, as she stared at the talkative pigeon. "How?" she breathed. The bird cocked its head inquisitively. "I mean… you talk? You talk!"

"Stellar powers of observation. Now I'm not entirely surprised at your color choice. Orange is really not your best color."

"They're not orange." hissed Darcy, looking around to see if anyone was taking notice of their conversation. "They are sherbet."

"Are you certain?" The pigeon hopped down from the wall and strutted back towards her, head bobbing briskly "They certainly looked orange." Darcy quickly snapped her legs together and flattened her skirt to her legs with her hands. "Oh, really! Why you wearing those if ya don't want anyone to look? Fine; be that way then" The bird muttered in response to her actions.

"Stop looking at my underwear!" shouted the vexed girl.

"Well, that's about all we can see from down here" commented the pigeon in a matter-of-fact tone "You tend to become quite au fait."

"au fait…" Darcy trailed off. Only in New York would the pigeons have a French vocabulary

"Yes, au fait – conversant with? You really are not the brightest of big folks, are you?"

_Oh my god_, Darcy thought, _it's like The Birds but creepier and more embarrassing._ Darcy whipped her phone out of her purse, punched in her access code and hit the red button. A moment later Coulson was on the line.

"Ms. Lewis."

"I've just been insulted by a pigeon!" Darcy shouted into the device.

There was silence on the phone. Darcy stared at it a moment before venturing "Did you hear me? I've been insulted by a pigeon"

"It's not like we haven't seen up your skirts before. And you could do with a little fashion advice"

Another voice broke in "I think she's just ashamed of her chubby thighs. Oh come on now girlie, give up a peek."

"Two pigeons!" she cried out as she glared at the two fat birds in front of her "Now I've been insulted by two pigeons!"

"Oh, she thinks she's been insulted. I haven't even said anything about those awful boots!" interjected another bird as it joined the rapidly growing group in front of her.


	2. Chapter 2

Less than 24 hours later, Darcy found herself in the Central Park, wired for sound, with the Avengers observing from a distance. At Fury's insistence, she was wearing standard issue SHIELD battle armor; which chafed even worse than those damn boots had. There was, apparently, a reason most of the female agents were less than generously endowed; anyone with assets would never voluntarily work in a place with this ridiculous excuse for a uniform. And here Darcy had always thought the general racehorse physique of her fellow employees was due to too much calisthenics, late nights, and booze…

Unfortunately for all of them, the pigeons didn't seem to be interested in her at all. Even the addition of a bag of bird seed hadn't made much of a difference; the few pigeons that had congregated seemed content to merely scarf up a free meal, sans commentary. "Tell my why I am doing this again." She muttered under her breath, knowing the mike was sensitive enough to pick it up.

"They seem to like you" replied Tony quickly "They have not responded to any other agent's overtures."

"I'm not an agent!"

I understand Ms. Lewis, we don't anticipate any danger here." Coulson's calm voice came over the earpiece. "Just talk to them. Try to find out what they want"

"Find out what they want?" hissed Darcy. She spun about, trying to spot the inscrutable agent to express her displeasure; he was not visible, even though the heads-up display inside her sunglasses placed him less than twenty yards away. She flipped the bird in his general direction just on principle as she continued down the path. "They're pigeons. They want bird baths, and bread crumbs, overhangs, and crazy old ladies who will let them sit on their hats!"

"And to critique your panties." quipped Clint, his voice carrying a distinct note of laughter.

Tony's voice broke in "We could institute a new…"

"Can it, Stark" interrupted Coulson. "Apparently, in the last few hours, they've developed an appetite for destruction to go along with their bread crumbs and ladies underwear fetishes"

Darcy turned and sat heavily on a bench "Wha..what?"

A small splash of light blossomed into a window on the surface of her glasses. Images of pigeons dropping objects on a crowd of diners at an outdoor café flitted across them; moments later a series of small explosions erupted, causing crowds to scatter. Another brief set of images showed groups of birds working together, pushing items off rooftops.

"What are they doing?" she asked, a little bemused by the images before her.

"We have reports from all over the city of flocks of pigeons defacing public buildings, removing anti-pigeon devices, and blowing up food carts. "We even have a few reports of pigeons mind-controlling teenagers to steal small electronics and birdseed." Coulson's voice in her ear was very, very dry. "We're taking those under advisement, of course."

Tony laughed and a new window popped open in front of her eyes "And apparently passing out discount coupons for Frederick's of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret at local malls." Darcy groaned and slumped back bonelessly into the bench. There was no getting out of this.

"Hey, wait!" Darcy sat up, a sudden thought occurring to her "Are they good coupons?"

"Ah…it doesn't appear that they are legitimate, Ms. Lewis" responded Coulson.

"Well, damn!"

"Hey, lighten up, kiddo. Now you're an avenger!" Darcy growled in response to Clint's sunny proclamation.

"Perhaps, I might make a suggestion?" Bruce's voice broke in diffidently.

"Banner?" Coulson sounded weary over her headset. Darcy couldn't blame him, working with the Avengers was exhausting – and she didn't even have to do anything except ignore them.

"Maybe she might have better luck…ah…dressed less…you know… less…" his voice trailed off, sounding embarrassed.

"Huh. The man in green has a point. You know what we need?" asked Stark "We need a little less spandex and a lot more class here. And who better to provide the class this organization needs than me!" a moment later Darcy could hear Iron Man's afterburners rumble off intp the distance.

"No!" hissed Darcy "I am not standing in the middle of Central Park dressed up like some kind of streetwalker!"

"Don't worry," Tony responded insouciantly "I'll get Pepper on it. She has a lot of experience shopping for women. Her being one, and all that. She'll know just what to you should wear to bring out the inner fashion critics in our pigeon friends."

Darcy just moaned in response.

Less than an hour later Darcy found herself directed to a park shelter, somewhat off the beaten path, to rendezvous with Coulson and Stark: to Darcy's dismay, a temporary screen had been set up, a clothing rack visible around one edge. Tony leered at her from across the space, the faceplate of his suit flipped up and a cut glass tumbler in his hand. "Got what you need, kiddo" he said with a nod towards the set up.

Darcy winced involuntarily; she really hated trying on clothes – nothing she liked ever worked with her figure. "Do I really?" she whined at Coulson.

"Hey, we'll help" Darcy looked up and saw Clint perched in the rafters. For all that Darcy was not an astrophysicist, she was surprisingly good at geometry; it was quite obvious he had set himself up for a bird's eye view of the changing room. If he hadn't opened his mouth…

...sometimes she wondered how the Avengers ever managed to pull off successful missions – Natasha must just be that scary. She turned to Coulson, ready to give him a piece of her mind when a dulcet voice spoke from the corner.

"Down. Out. All of you." Darcy turned to see Pepper Potts come out from behind the curtain, heels sounding a sharp counterpoint to her steely tone. Stark made a wordless protest from the entrance and the strawberry blonde shot him a dark look, full of promise. "I am not saying it again, Tony." With a nod of his head, Coulson silently turned to shepherd the Avengers out of the shelter, a small smile gracing his face.

Darcy smiled nervously at the older woman. Pepper Potts was at least as scary as Natasha in her own way. It was like she had superpowers of her own; she was always preternaturally put together. Not to mention the six inch stilettos… It could give a girl a complex.

"You must be Darcy," she said with a gentle smile. "I'm Pepper. When Tony told me what was going on I thought I had better come and oversee the transformation. Coulson said that Natasha was willing to help…" Darcy shivered in response and Pepper shot her a conspiratorial grin. "Exactly! I set her to managing the boys."

Leading the younger girl over to the corner she began flipping quickly through a double handful of bagged outfits as she helped Darcy put together an ensemble from the selection she had brought. "Frankly, I don't trust any of the Avengers fashion sense, although Natasha did do well enough when she worked for Stark Industries – I believe Barton was dressing her…" she commented with in a dry voice. She held up a kicky Dartmouth green suit with a plum-lined peplum jacket and A-line skirt. "How about this? We don't have your measurements on file, but it might fit."

Darcy looked it over and sighed in relief, there was actually a chance she wouldn't be falling out of it all afternoon "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" gushed Darcy as she took the suit from the older woman. "I was afraid Clint and Tony were going to get me put on the hooker-of-the-month club mailing list after today."

Pepper laughed brightly "Fortunately, Tony is smart enough to understand that he's not allowed to pick out women's clothes. Ever" she finished darkly. "Or fruit... or anything, really. Except wine; I'll let him pick the wine…" Darcy laughed at the resigned tone in the taller woman's voice. Pepper pulled out a pair of matching heels in Darcy's size and a lingerie bag. "If that doesn't work, sort through the rest of the suits and take what you need." She paused as she caught Darcy eyeing the tag on the suit, an aghast look on her face. "Don't worry about it – SHIELD is paying."

"Oh my, Glenda," Darcy breathed softly "you are a good witch!"

Pepper laughed as she left the makeshift dressing room, leaving Darcy with a small fortune worth of clothing to sort through.

A few minutes later Darcy poked her head out. Coulson and Pepper were chatting in the front of the shelter, he spotted her and gently directed Pepper's attention back to the girl. Pepper quickly slipped through the curtain to give Darcy a quick once-over. Darcy had passed on the green suit and instead selected a sleek coral and sienna silk suit that nicely complemented the peach tones of her complexion. "This one will work," she said nervously, "but none of the shoes that match, fit."

Pepper nodded and whipped her phone out. A moment later she was talking "Harrison? Yes, I saw a pair of Olympia leaf espadrilles yesterday." She paused, "Yes, those would be the ones. Could you please have a couple pairs set aside for Tony to pick up in five minutes...no, not me… sizes…" at Darcy's mouthed response "seven and eight. Thank you."

"Tony" she called as she ducked back out. "I need you to go over to Bergdorf's and pick up a couple pairs of shoes."


	3. Chapter 3

FTB – p5

Darcy leaned against the railing at the Kerbs Boathouse, keeping an eye out for groups of pigeons, while enjoying watching park goers sailing model boats. She was not entirely stable in the shoes Pepper had brought her, and was quickly losing patience with the entire operation; there was a reason she was not an agent. "I'm going to head North on the path here, guys." She said and began strolling along the lakefront. As she approached the tip of the lake she began to see a marked increase in the number of fat grey birds. "Finally" she muttered as she reached into the handbag at her side and pulled out her bag of birdseed, which was decidedly skinnier after a day of chasing pigeons in the park. Discreetly she scattered a handful around her and waited for the birds to approach.

Soon enough she was surrounded by a gaggle of babbling, bobbling birds. Darcy stood still in the center, gritting her teeth as the creepy things eyed her. A brave few ventured closer, peering up her skirt under the pretense of keeping an eye on her. One particularly brave soul strutted up to her feet and pecked gently at the green suede leaves.

"Not the shoes, please" growled Darcy, moving her foot back a few inches from the small, brown, body.

"Eh," replied the bird with a movement that looked a lot like a shrug "just checking to see if they were knock-offs."

"They are the single most expensive thing I have ever worn, I'd prefer to not have them pecked at."

"Pecked on, dear" corrected another pigeon who had just joined the group.

"Nice panties" commented one of the birds that had ducked under her skirt, Darcy shuddered.

"The shoes are better" replied the brown bird.

"I'll never understand your fascination with those things" said the bird who had commented on her underwear.

All of the birds had stopped pecking at the seed and were now examining her footwear, heads tilted this way and that as they focused on them. She allowed their perusal for a few more moments and then cleared her throat. "So," she began "not to be rude, or anything, but…what gives?"

"Darcy!" hissed a voice in her headset. Eleven pairs of beady eyes fixed on her face with unblinking stares.

"I mean, why have you suddenly started talking and blowing things up…and passing out coupons for panties? You know… It's kind of a sudden change."

The birds continued to observe her for a moment then returned to pecking at the seed. Darcy sighed and remarked to the listening ears. "This is not going to work"

"Do you think you could capture a subject for interrogation, Miss Lewis?" Fury's irritated voice broke in on her thoughts, Darcy rolled her eyes.

"I am currently wearing six inch heels, sir. I really don't think that is in the cards."

She could almost feel the airwaves burning up with the conversation between the members of the Avengers and SHIELD. She sighed; it looked like she was going to have to do this on her own. "So, are you all really pigeons, or actually some weird alien race who seeks to subjugate us puny humans?" The birds looked at her blankly. She shrugged "I just don't understand why you're bombing New York. It would seem to make more sense to try to score tickets to a lingerie or shoe show."

"Oooh," caroled the brown bird "I'd like that!"

_Win!_ thought Darcy, doing a fist bump in her head. "So why don't you?" Darcy noticed the birds beginning to drift off to the north and casually moved to keep up with them. She noticed that the crowd of park goers began thinning abruptly as she reached the juncture in the path.

"Are you taking me to your leader?" she asked, a bit louder than was strictly necessary; there was no response to her comment from either the birds or her headset. She took a few more cautious steps and felt her ears pop from a sudden pressure drop. A concurrent squeal from her earpiece made her wince, and she quickly yanked it out of her ear; with an unsettling wriggle it changed into a caterpillar and began crawling across her hand. She turned to look back down the path; a faint green shimmer hung like a haze a few feet away, arcing high overhead and partially obscuring her view of the lake. Distantly, she heard the roar of Iron Man's afterburners,and the smooth whine of the Quinjet's engines.

"Of course" she groused as she watched the airborne vehicles begin running a search pattern. With a long suffering sigh she dragged her phone out of her bag – no signal.

She knew who was behind this…talking pigeons, magic green force fields…electronics turning into bugs… She looked down at the caterpillar, which was now happily crawling up her sleeve and groaned. Plucking it off and setting it gently on a nearby bush, she began trudging up the path to the sculpture of Alice in Wonderland. That's where he'd be waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

FTB-p6

As she drew closer to the statue she could see him; clad in an elegant black suit, black hair shimmering in the afternoon sun; he reminded her of a giant crow as he sipped from a delicate cup. Darcy stopped and stared as Alice, seated next to him on the mushroom, gracefully lifted a teapot and topped off his cup when he set it down between them. "Darcy!" Loki turned, a brilliant smile on his face "how wonderful it is to see you! Tea?"

Ever since the initial incident in Puente Antiguo, Loki had been a persistent problem for the Avengers; starting with his thwarted invasion of New York, to his annoying habit of dropping in on the Avenger's whenever he escaped from whatever creative, but ultimately useless, punishment Odin had cooked up. More often than not, it was Darcy who was left with the problem of entertaining wayward Norse Gods; taking Volstagg and Baldur to Brazilian Steakhouses and Phish concerts, and Sif and Fandral to burlesque festivals and sushi bars. It seemed, however, that the God of Mischief found her both relatively non-offensive and uninteresting; and being able to create his own version of fun on Midgard, she had been spared his direct attentions. (Beyond a casual threat of grievous bodily harm if he ever so much as glimpsed her taser again- as if it were her fault he made a habit of throwing Tony through windows...) Although, she was mostly certain that he was responsible for the fact that her hair would spontaneously change colors whenever she was taking Thor's friends to any events.

With a silent groan Darcy pulled herself up onto the platform. She contemplated the climb onto the mushroom where Loki and Alice were seated and decided that it was not worth the hassle. She sank down on one of the lower mushrooms next to the Dormouse and glared up at the Norse God. The mouse squeaked indignantly at her.

"Budge over," she growled "my feet are killing me."

"Oh, that won't do at all." said Loki and he slid down to stand before her, so tall he blocked the sun. Before she could protest he had swung her up in his arms and lifted her up onto the taller mushroom, settling her gently on the warm bronze. Darcy managed not to squawk or flutter as she flew through the air; it was easy to forget that Loki was as much a powerhouse as his brother and his friends; his lanky frame, flippant attitude, and clothing choice served to disguise his strength. It was only when he did something like this, or casually punched a hole through the side of an armored vehicle, that you remembered that underneath his unassuming exterior he was an incredibly powerful, magical being. Darcy shuddered a little bit, chilled despite the heat.

A moment later he slid up after her, settling back into place on the enormous bronze mushroom. With an elegant, economical movement, he picked up his tea cup and, wrapping it in his long fingers, deftly twisted; the cup and saucer pulled and stretched like taffy in his hands, until, with a sudden pop, there were two cups, one of which he passed to Darcy. A graceful gesture to the statue made it clear that he expected her to pour: but the statue didn't move, a disgruntled expression on her bronze face.

"Now Alice," he chided "surely we have room for another guest." As Alice dutifully bent to pour the tea he leaned over and confided in Darcy "she is not the most gracious of hostesses – a tad inflexible, you might say."

"Why are you here?" Darcy didn't want to be rude – really, really didn't want to, in light of who she was having tea with – but she knew that if she didn't ask it would hang over her head until she did. She always yanked her bandages off; if this was going to be painful she'd rather get it over with quickly.

"I believe it is a mortal tradition? Having a picnic on a lovely spring day?" he smirked at her "Do tell me if I am incorrect."

"Not only are you not incorrect," she relied dryly to the manic god on the mushroom "this entire scenario is strangely apropos. I believe you'd be the Hatter..."

Loki laughed "I can always count on you to be charmingly direct, Darcy. Biscuit?"

A silver tray had suddenly appeared in Alice's hands "Thank you" she murmured as she leaned over to pick a chocolate laced cookie. She gazed thoughtfully at the man-not-man across from her and decided to try a slightly different tack. "Okay. So you are not going to tell me why you're here…Why am I here?"

Loki smiled at the young woman "It is no fun having a picnic by oneself. A charming companion is usually called for."

"Right. And of all the people on Earth, you choose me?"

"Well, you are not boring. As a matter of fact, you are the least boring member of SHIELD I have met."

"Not exactly a high bar there, Loki." Darcy slapped one hand over her mouth, face flushing with embarrassment. He laughed in delight.

They sat in strangely quiet companionship for a span of time, nibbling their cookies and sipping tea. Loki leaning back into the empty air like it was a comfortable arm chair, his face turned up to the sunlight, soaking it in. Darcy tried not to twitch too much. Loki was always an unknown quantity; usually he was a rolling disaster that made her look positively cautious. But sometimes he could be helpful. The problem was, you never knew which Loki he was going to be. And there was no guarantee he wouldn't change his mind mid-stream.

So, for all that this was a pleasant interlude, she was having a hard time relaxing. At some point, the other shoe had to drop. And this was Loki – there was no way of knowing exactly how many, or what kind of shoe, he was planning on dropping. Hell, he probably had a closet of them somewhere; all of them left.

But, speaking of shoes; Darcy reached down and adjusted the ankle strap of one of the espadrilles. It was a little snug across the tendon and her little toe was beginning to feel decidedly blood-starved. She caught a flash of movement from the corner of her eye and turned to see that Loki had left off staring at the clouds and was now regarding her with a sharp gaze.

"Those," breathed the Norse God of Mischief "are marvelous shoes. In truth…" a snap of his fingers and Darcy found herself suddenly wobbling on her feet on the granite circle surrounding the sculpture as he circled her tightly. "…this is a much better look for you." He stepped back and regarded her intently, fingers at his lips "I see! Miss Potts dressed you today?"

"No, I chose this myself, thank you." One elegant eyebrow arched in response to her waspish tone.

"Indeed?" his voice fairly oozed disbelief.

Darcy rolled her eyes at the Norse God, spun on one heel, and wobbled back to the sculpture where she settled back onto the shorter mushroom "Indeed" she parroted, a certain amount of offended snark sneaking into her voice.

"I see…So, am I to understand that you have recently replaced the bulbs in your fixtures? I only ask because ordinarily you seem to strive for more of a…I dressed myself in the dark look." Darcy glared at him "This is practically stylish. Of course the suit could use a little fitting, but the shoes are marvelous" He moved past her to lounge against the sculpture, his eyes focused on her footwear. "You mortals are so very strange. All of these opportunities for individuality and you generally choose the most boring options." She huffed wordlessly in response and raised one eyebrow in silent commentary on his own choice of attire. He looked down at his topcoat and suit and smirked, in an instant it morphed into his Asgardian attire.

"Are you Jonesing for my shoes, Loki?" she asked; a quiver that seemed suspiciously like laughter in her voice.

"Oh no, keep them. I find them quite amusing…Although they do not seem to be the most practicable choice in footwear if you are going to be chasing pigeons in the park. Or acting as one of Fury's minions."

"pfft." She responded with some asperity. "I work for them…this…I blame this on you. If I break an ankle I'm sending you the bill."

"Ah… Put it on my tab."

Darcy laughed. "Along with the top 15 stories of Stark Towers and the 152 cars you turned into ice cream?"

"And all the mannequins at Macy's…although you might lay the blame for that at Russell Davis feet. Clever mortal."

"I knew you had ripped that off! I told Coulson they were so totally Autons and he just would not listen to me. It was really just that creepy too."

One of the pigeons flew down and settled itself next to Loki, fixing Darcy with a beady look. "Although, not as creepy as the damn talking pigeons."

She cocked her head and gazed at the god sitting above her he raised an elegant brow in response "So… the pigeons fascination with my underwear…that's not ….your not…"

"No. The fashion thing is all pigeon."

"Huh."

"But, in truth, Miss Lewis, if this is a new leaf you are thinking of turning over, I would certainly find myself more inclined to meet with you on a regular basis."

Darcy turned that over in her mind. Loki wanted to meet with her on a regular basis? He liked her new look? She regarded the Norse god levelly. "What is this about?" she finally asked.


	5. Chapter 5

"What is this about? Do you truly believe I will simply tell you what I am planning?" Loki's voice dripped with disbelief. "The Avengers silly mortal hand-maiden wishes to know the mind of a god?" The flock of pigeons that had led Darcy to the Norse god wheeled into the air, swirling gracefully behind the Asgardian like billowing curtains. Loki turned to watch the aerial display, expressing his disdain for Darcy's question by ignoring her in favor of his winged companions.

Darcy fidgeted on her perch, trying to wait out his disinterest. After a few moments spent watching the pigeons scratch in the dirt where they had settled she decided that it was up to her to get the dialog restarted. He might consider himself a god, but he was a total Drama Llama: she'd have to do something amusing…or stupid…to get back into his good graces. Adopting an insouciant tone to mask the nervousness that was threatening to have the tea and cookies she had ate make a return engagement she threw out the most abstruse conversational gambit she could scrounge up. "So, that hand-maideny type stuff. Is that some kind of an Asgardian thing, or are you referencing the modern American literary tradition. Because if you're planning on having some sort of conversation about Atwood and modern feminist theory… booze would be greatly appreciated. Just the thought of that shit gives me freaky women's studies flashbacks."

Loki turned, and regarded her blankly "Women's studies?"

"Institutionalized feminism – it like organized sports for super-skinny, boot-wearing, can't-get-a-date-on-Saturday-night, college co-eds" she shrugged.

"Do you realize that you make absolutely no sense?"

Darcy smiled and nodded "It's a talent."

"You are…proud… of this accomplishment?" he sounded half appalled and half intrigued.

"Hey! Not a super-hero, not an astrophysicist; SHIELD doesn't have a lot of need for Poli-Sci majors and won't let me touch their computers, so I've gotta do something and random is what I'm good at." Darcy rolled her eyes. "It actually took a lot longer to get this whole dog and pony show off the ground because they more than half believed I was tripping with the whole talking pigeon thing. If your fine feathered friends hadn't upped the ante and started ripping up their eyes-in-the-skies I would still be trying to convince everyone that I hadn't suffered some bizarre break from reality at lunch." Darcy glared at the Norse god "Thanks for that, by the way."

"I live to serve" he replied dryly, with a small bow to the irate brunette.

Darcy barely managed to not roll her eyes at the man in front of her: "Well, why not?" For a brief moment Loki looked confused by her rapid shift of topics "I mean, you brought me here for some reason, I imagine; well, beyond driving your brother nuts by making me disappear for a…" she looked down at her phone "Wow! Almost an hour! Huh, time does fly when you're having fun. Anyways… You've feed me tea and cookies, complemented my shoes, basically called me a 'ho, and totally confessed to ripping off British children's television for one of your most recent attacks." she shrugged "Its kind of like the Loki Povich show here – so give me something I can take back to make old one-eye happy."

A graceful eyebrow canted and then, suddenly, Loki tilted back his head and laughed. "Truly mortal, you make absolutely no sense whatsoever. However, I find it somewhat less boring than my typical interaction with SHIELD's minions…" he sauntered over and leaned against Alice's mushroom, "Tell me, what is a Povich."

Darcy regarded him consideringly, and then pulled her tablet from her purse, surreptitiously checking the status indicators as she swiped it on. No texts or messages, and no…signal? Figures. "Basically, a televised train-wreck where people make fools of themselves in front of a studio audience" Darcy waved her hand dismissively "Never mind, really. But if you're going to keep hanging on Midgard you'll need to up your culture-fu."

Loki took the tablet from her and tapped the screen, his long fingers dancing across the interface. Moments later it sprang to life and tinny shouts reached Darcy's ears.

Darcy sighed: of course the bad guy can't be technologically illiterate. Not only can he find clips on YouTube, he can make electronic devices function without a signal. What was fair about that?

An appalled look slid onto Loki's face as he watched the images on the screen before he abruptly thrust the device back towards the girl, his lips in a tight line of displeasure. "And you consider yourselves evolved" he snarled "when your entertainment consists of two base bitches snarling over what beast mounts them?"

Darcy swallowed heavily as the air seemed to grow heavy around her. Hands shaking, she took the device back from the irate Asgardian, casting another quick glance at the screen: Nope, still no signal. So very not fair. Well, whatever Loki wants, Loki gets. She slipped the tablet back into her carryall. With a grimace she dragged the bag of bird food out; it had developed a hole and was dribbling seeds and little orange bits all over the inside of her bag. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Loki had summoned his teacup and another cookie out of thin air and was nibbling, a distracted look on his lean face. She kept quiet, half hoping that he would get bored and simply disappear.

After a few long moments, Loki broke the silence "It is really quite simple: I have decided that I need better minions. The Chitauri were little more than a mindless horde; without direct instruction they just fell apart. And I mean that quite literally." His fingers gracefully mimed things exploding into nothing.

"I briefly considered Victor Von Doom; he is very interesting for a mortal but, between you and me, he is a little…obsessed….with Reed Richards."

Darcy nodded her understanding, relief flooding through her at his return to a more convivial manner; "I know what you mean!" she ventured. "I met Mr. Fantastic a few months ago; he came to discuss some stuff with Jane and the Avengers. His constant need to relate everything to his arch-nemesis was more than a little disturbing."

Forcing herself to relax she continued chattering "I swear; he has a beautiful wife and a lovely little boy and it was all Doom, Doom, Doom." She rolled her eyes expressively, trying to gauge his response to her story; he seemed distracted, looking off into the distance. Darcy followed his gaze but could see nothing. "I got in trouble with Fury 'cause he caught me muttering 'get a room' every time Richards said Doom." She nervously glanced at the Norse god again, he had pulled a glowing ball of …something… from the empty air and was nonchalantly prodding it into a variety of stomach churning shapes. Deciding that ignoring this display was probably what everyone meant by discretion she continued: "I even came up with a little song:

Doom, Doom, Doom

Richards get a

Room, room, room

And go

Boom, boom, boom

With Doctor

Doom, doom, doom.

Please do it

Soon, soon, soon…

She sang it to the tune of _Boom, Boom Pow,_ by the Black Eyed Peas. She trailed off at the aghast look on Loki's face.

Hey I'm a poly-sci major, not a music major!" she said in her defense.

"In…"

"Doom, Doom, Doom" warbled the girl.

Loki stopped talking, a strangely blank look on his face. Darcy cringed and stopped singing "It's catchy?" she said uncertainly.

"Are you quite finished?" queried the god in a frigid tone. Darcy nodded obediently. "In the end I decided that it would be far too much effort to keep him on an even keel. Doom, that is…" He slid back up onto Alice's mushroom and rested his chin thoughtfully on one cocked knee. "Magneto… he's powerful, smart… but he's so 'moral' that he is dull; always swanning about muttering about mutant superiority…Hah! Superiority! What use is being superior to human filth when you are filth yourself?" Loki leapt to his feet, and began to pace back and forth on the cobblestones in front of the statue. "And don't get me started on Namor and the Atlantians. The best I can say is that they lack…" he tapped long fingers thoughtfully against his lips "…subtlety."

"Although they can be counted on to make marvelous Sushi" he finished thoughtfully.

Darcy almost asked if he meant that they created marvelous sushi, or could be made into marvelous sushi. Then decided she really didn't want to know. "I would think you'd be trying to ally with him" she ventured instead. "Your pigeon friends would be in raptures over a guy who flies around in shiny green undies all the time."

The pigeons around her squawked and fluttered nervously. Darcy looked questioningly at her companion.

"Rapture, my minions" soothed Loki "a very excited kind of joy. Not raptors."

"I have to admit – I was beginning to feel quite put out – then, a few weeks back…You do recall the day that Hydra decided to attack the stock exchange with olgoi-khorkhoi?"

Darcy shuddered; that had been a mess. The regenerating, acid spitting, venomous death worms had wreaked bloody havoc on the venerable institution "They are working with you?" breathed Darcy.

"For me." snarled Loki. "Do you truly believe I would lower myself to working for those cankerous gormorgon? And the verb you are looking for, you foul mort, is 'was.' They will not make that mistake again."

Darcy shrank at the cold menace in his voice, wrapping her arms about herself, feeling chilled even in the warm sun. All the Hydra soldiers had been found dead in their cells a few days after the attack. Fury and the others had chalked it up to some sort of suicide device; but if what Loki was saying was the truth…she shuddered again.

The Norse god continued speaking in a curiously flat tone; like he was delivering lines too often rehearsed and that held no meaning for him "I saw you in the park that evening, eating your supper with a wonderfully attentive audience and it occurred to me: If the human population failed to provide proper minions, then perhaps I would best consider one of Midgard's other native species" he made a grand gesture that encompassed the crowd of birds that had gathered and was watching him like…well…hawks. If pigeons could ever be said to be hawks.

Darcy shuddered; this was just so very, very creepy. Loki had been watching her; making plans for his future attacks even as she had unknowingly ate her lonely supper. She remembered that evening: Thor and Jane had been out; most of the other, friendlier, Avengers and SHIELD staff had also made themselves scarce after the horrific events of the day, leaving her alone in the tower with the Black Widow and Dr. Banner. She had tried to busy herself with some unfinished work, but after several unnerving run-ins with the master assassin; and a disturbing interlude with a preternaturally calm pseudo-monster in the staff kitchen, she found herself jumping at her own shadow. Deciding that anyplace was better than there, she too had fled the building; grabbing a sandwich at a local sub shop and eating it on one of the park benches. It had been a thoroughly miserable evening; too cold for comfort and throwing her essential difference from the other residents of Stark's tower into stark relief.

She shifted her balance, disturbed by the tenor of her thoughts, and her moment caught the bird's attention and hundred of eyes quickly snapped to her. Unnerved, she leaned closer in towards the large mushroom, just in case she had to dive for cover. The movement prompted an answering flutter from the flock of pigeons and Darcy froze. Nervously, she wondered how many birds one taser shot would take out. She casually slid her hand into the side pocket of her bag and slid the charge button on her taser to high. For a brief moment she toyed with the idea of trying to tase the Norse god again. But she didn't imagine she'd get away with that trick twice.

"I had noted the presence of pigeons in many of the world's cities, and the fact that mortals largely ignore them. They showed a remarkable amount of focus and determination for creatures with brains the size of pea, they have managed to carve a space for themselves in an otherwise hostile environment, and they understand on a fundamental level the importance of following a leader. You don't see the pigeons deciding to attack six hours early because they are bored or have an over-inflated view of their own self-importance."

Darcy was silent for a little while, considering what he had said. "I think I'm vaguely insulted by the fact that you think that pigeons will make better minions than humans…but quite frankly, I'm having a bit of a hard time processing all of this."

Loki leaned forward and patted the brunette's head. "That is quite all right, Darcy. I am not surprised this is all a bit too much for you. Do not fear: humans will have a place once I am king: you still have the best television. Although, I'm not quite certain what to make of the Povich, he may have to go."

Darcy looked at him, a bit flabbergasted. Did he really see no difference between pigeons and humans beyond televison? She noticed that he was continuing to speak and she wrenched her attention back to him.

"So, a few weeks ago I spoke with Elvis here, who is the chief pigeon of New York, if you will. And we struck a deal." Loki made a grandiose gesture towards a fat brown pigeon with a glossy head. "Through him I control all the pigeons in New York, and soon the world."

Darcy gaped at the Asgardian male "Seriously?" she asked, disbelief loosening her tongue.

The god of Mischief grinned puckishly at the young woman sitting across from him, wide smile on his lean face. "Most assuredly; no one would ever look twice at such an unassuming animal…"

"I assume you are unfamiliar with the works of Alfred Hitchcock, then?" asked Darcy drily, unable to stop her feckless tongue from continuing. Lord knows, she had a tendency to blather on when nervous…

Loki glared at the young woman "Alfred Hitchcock? One of your political theorists?" there was a definite sneer in the Asgardian's voice.

"No, he was an American film maker from about fifty years ago. He made a film about birds going crazy and attacking, I dunno, the Eastern seaboard or something like that. I've never seen it," she commented "I don't really like spooky movies."

"And?"

Darcy sighed and ran her hand through her hair. How to get her point across without offending the mad god… "Like I said before: Culture-fu! It's not like everyone's not expecting the pigeons to go crazy and attack at this point. Probably every Tom, Dick, and Harry in New York has gotten their tennis racket out of storage and is preparing to swat pigeons like flies. Pigeons are pretty…well stupid… and fragile. I think you might need to reconsider your choice in minions."

A raised eyebrow was her only response. With a sigh she tried tact: "I can't imagine you'll find pigeons very sturdy, or very useful in the long run … Humans are pretty good at eradicating other species when we set our minds to it. In a battle between the 'flying rats' of New York and us, I rather think we'd win."

Loki shrugged "I didn't imagine that they would go head to head with humans, pet. More along the lines of …vectors."

Vectors. Darcy mouthed the word, a sudden chill settling in her stomach. Loki was thinking of vectors. Oh, why couldn't he be as clueless as Thor when it came to anything beyond battle!

"Pigeons…humans… it makes little difference to me who maintains on this misbegotten rock when I assume my rightful throne. Given enough time I'm sure another creature will evolve to take your place." He paused thoughtfully for a moment. "That actually might be preferable… to start this ball spinning in an entirely new direction. To wipe the murderous filth that is humanity clean and start again, creating a race that is worthy of being counted as one of the Nine. Even the Allfather has not done something so ambitious."

"Oh. Is this is that whole glorious purpose thing again?" Darcy's voice was dry and tight. "Because, I think it needs to be said that that worked so very well for you last time." Loki gave her a baleful look and Darcy shrugged in response. A moment later she felt a sharp tug at the back of her head as something wound itself into her long brown locks. She shrieked and tried to scramble away but something snaked across her chest and dragged her back, throwing her off balance and further hampering her movement. She yelped as she felt hairs pulling from their roots and threw her head back in an effort to relieve the pressure. She slammed up against something solid and unmoving with a force that drove the breath from her lungs and knocked her feet out from under her. Across the pavement the Norse god gazed at her flatly, a chilling lack of expression on his angular face.


	6. Chapter 6

Darcy could feel more hairs tearing out as she struggled to keep her footing in her heels. Whatever had her in its grasp was of no help at all, not even shifting when one of her flailing elbows struck a solid blow. Just as she retained her balance she felt a sudden drop in temperature as if a dark shadow had snuffed out the sun. "You are far too familiar for my taste, mortal" a low voice rasped in her ear. Darcy gasped and looked up and over her shoulder, into the unholy green eyes of the Norse god. The panic slid from her, her arms dropping helplessly to her sides, quiescent; staring into his basilisk gaze she felt herself at the edge of an abyss. Bright green and verdant, a wild place beyond human kenning.

Like she was swimming through molasses Darcy managed to tear her gaze away from him, her eyes blinking and watering in the strange green-tinted light of their dome like she had been staring at the sun. Some gibbering part of her mind screamed at her to never do that ever again. As her senses cleared her mind reeled: She could feel where the sharp corners of Loki's breast plate dug into her shoulders, his hand was still wound painfully tight in her hair; and yet, there he stood, across from her; her bag of bird food in his hands, calmly scattering food for the assembled pigeons.

"Loki. Let me go, you're hurting me!" she cried and then froze, breathless, as his double lifted his eyes to her. Panicking at the thought of being trapped again by his mad stare, she looked away; dropping her eyes to the ground to avoid his gaze. The weight of his regard beat upon her from both sides; cold and unyielding, she felt her pulse racing in her veins, and felt suddenly lightheaded. She remained, limp and quiet for several long moments; hoping that the Norse god would tire of frightening her and let her be. "Come on Thor, where are you guys?" she whispered to herself. Then jumped in shock as a pair of dress shoes appeared suddenly in her vision. A black-nailed hand reached out, and gripping her painfully by the chin wrenched her head back further until she was helplessly staring up at the creature in front of her. Unable to move away, she fluttered nervously, like a butterfly on a pin, trapped between two looming copies of the Norse god.

He drew closer, until Darcy could see the unnatural smoothness of his face, the smooth arc of black lined lips that framed teeth just a tiny bit too sharp to be human. "Silence, chattel!" he hissed, his breath sweet and cool against her face. "Your …friendship…" the word sounded positively filthy coming from his lips, "…with my brother gives you ideas above your station" his voice had dropped down into an irritated snarl that made Darcy shudder in his grasp. "It is bad enough my brother mingles with you foul beasts: One can nearly excuse comely sǽdfeng: after all Thor is a God, and he might take what he wilt to ease his needs. But to extend that level of intimacy beyond the bower…it is abominable." He huffed softly, an expression that would be considered fondly exasperated on any other face flitting by "My brother never did quite understand the proper place of pets. Mother was ever clearing sluts from his bedchambers and sending them back to whatever hovel he had plucked them from when we were children."

'I'm not…" Darcy whimpered against the punishing grip "I'm not Thor's…" she faltered at the glint in his eye.

"Oh, truly? You tell me that don't spread your legs and receive his spill? That you don't cozen him in hopes of catching his get?" Loki drew back and examined her face minutely. After a moment, he threw back his head and cruel laughter rang out into the silent glade.

"Does the little mortal slut have my brother so unmanned then, that he does not take his due?"

Loki stepped back, releasing her chin from his grip. With a grimace her conjured a cloth and fastidiously wiped the hand that had touched her. "What use are you then?"

Darcy fought against a rising tide of horror; she had the unshakable feeling that she had just dropped from annoyance to inconsequential. What had Loki hoped to gain by snatching her away? What plan had she just accidentally thwarted by the simple fact that she wasn't sharing Thor's bed?

And it wasn't if she hadn't been asked. Even Jane, dear sweet, slutty Jane, had made it clear that Darcy's presence in their bed would not offend]'

'/.;

"I'm sorry" she whispered faintly "please, whatever it is you want…I have nothing. I am nothing… Just… let me go."

"And why would I do that?" a cool breath brushed past her ear from the Asgardian at her back. The other Loki was ignoring her, wisps of crackling energy spinning idly from his fingers, to evaporate into the air. Arcane symbols, that hurt her eyes to look at, formed in the space between the ground and the green dome above her. In the brief moment of her inattention his elegant suiting had changed to his more familiar armor. Sickly green light glinted off the points of the horns on his helmet.

"You claim that you are not my brother's sǽdfeng. This appears to be the truth. What makes you so special that I should set you free with no forfeit? Your friendship with my brother?" his voice was hard and biting "I know what that is worth, and I would advise you not to rely upon that faithless oaf. He never pays much mind of his pets beyond his initial infatuation"

"What do you want from me?" asked Darcy nervously.

"Back to that again. My, we do become a boring shrew, do we not…" Loki laughed, low in her ear, "What do I want? Your world at my feet… My brother's head on a pike…A willing body in my bed…Oh, I want so many things, little pet." The hand in her hair loosened and traveled idly down her body until it rested gently on the curve of one hip. She felt Loki shift and his chin rest on her narrow shoulder.

I wonder what my brother would offer for gengäld on you?" he mused, seeming distracted by his thoughts. His lips, moving against her neck caused her to shudder once again at the mocking intimacy of his touch. She suddenly understood why Thor was so leery of his brother: Why he continually rebuffed Jane's attempts to invite Loki to their home to 'build bridges.'

Yeah. She could see how that might be a colossally bad idea. One moment he'd be relaxing at the table, the next he'd be attempting to use the young scientist's guts for garters. Darcy decided that if her former boss ever managed to convince Thor that a family dinner was a good idea she was not going to be there. As a matter of fact, she had every intention of being far away. Very, very far away: 51 Pegasi wasn't nearly far enough. Let Jane deal with Thor's batshit brother, she was the one looking to marry into the family.

Although, if there was even a grain of truth in Loki's words, Jane might have to reconsider her plans. Numbly she shook her head, she was getting distracted: she could not afford to be distracted. She needed to think if she was going to have any chance of getting out of this mess.

And yet, somewhere deep in her mind she couldn't help but wonder, 'why me? Why not Jane?' But she knew the truth: SHIELD wouldn't dare risk an asset as valuable as Dr Foster. Darcy Lewis, however…yeah…let her traipse off into the park after psychotic pigeons. Hell, let the crazy Norse god have her. Maybe he'd be distracted enough by his new toy to wander off to pester some other innocent planet.

A small, hiccupping sob escaped her. She had never asked for this. She had never wanted to become a part of the insanity that was SHIELD; never wanted to spend her days wondering if she'd manage to make it through her work day without some crazed super-villian attacking her office. All she had wanted after Puente Antiguo was to return to school, finish up her degree, and settle in at grad school to work on her doctoral program.

Coulson could say she was gaining valuable experience, that later, she would be able to translate it into a doctoral thesis that would be unmatchable. But at what price? Would she even get to grad school? It had been nearly three years since she and Jane were plucked from the New Mexico desert and dropped into their first secure installation in Tromso; and SHIELD showed no signs of turning her loose in the near future.

Suddenly, Darcy was incandescently angry. Angry at Jane, angry at Thor. Angry at Fury and Coulson, and all the jackasses at SHIELD who belittled her and thwarted her dreams. Angry at Loki for treating her as little more than a toy for him to snatch away from his bother. And, most of all, angry at herself for getting into this situation and doing so little to get herself out. This was not the Darcy Lewis she knew. She was better than this… smarter than this….

With a deep breath Darcy calmed herself and began thinking… She had tased his ass once by not being what he expected…

Loki was amused – to a point – by her insouciance. He found something appealing in her footwear. She could use those to her advantage: but only in the long term. Right now she had to get herself out of this mess since the Avenger's were apparently not going to show up and save the day. Loki was used to her being bold, outgoing, and careless; what would he do when presented with a Darcy who was not acting as he anticipated.

Going boneless in his arms she slumped back, let him carry her weight; surrendering all control over her physical self to the Asgardian. The being behind her stilled, holding her up against his chest for a brief moment, then his restraining grasp loosened. Fighting every sensible urge to bolt Darcy sank to her knees at his feet.

So he wanted the world at his feet? What did it matter if it started with her? It was not like she was planning on staying there.

"There now, pet" his voice crooned above "Is this not so much more pleasant when you remember your place?" his hand twirled idly in her hair; almost like he was stroking a dog. He had called her pet, after all…

Darcy bit her tongue, stifling the snide response she so wanted to make, and simply breathed. Thor always said Loki was as changeable as the tides – that he was chaos and constant motion – that his mind and body were never still. Well, Darcy had sat through two years of philosophy of thought lectures; she imagined she could wait out one high-strung Norse god of mischief.

Luckily she did not have long to wait: the air around them shimmered as a low tone, like a struck bell, rang out. "Could they have been any slower?" snapped the Norse God. A quickly sketched gesture caused a shimmering disc to appear in the air, Thor framed within. Gripping Darcy by the back of the neck Loki strode over to face his sibling.


	7. Chapter 7

"Lose something, brother?" Loki asked cheerfully, dragging the girl up until her toes barely touched the pavement. Darcy choked and gasped, her hands scrabbling helplessly at the hand wrapped tightly around her throat. Darcy felt a sharp stinging pain as one of her nails caught in his vambraces and ripped but the tall figure did not so much as twitch as she gouged her nails desperately into his hands.

"Loki!" roared the God of Thunder "release her!"

"Oh, very well!" responded Loki in an aggrieved tone of voice. His hand abruptly disappeared from her neck and Darcy dropped to the pavement like a stone. Coughing, she huddled into the pavement, trying to make herself as small as possible. She heard a rumble of thunder in the distance; notable for appearing out of the clear sky, and then another ringing sound pealed across the space. Darcy became aware of muffled voices in the distance. With a monumental effort she managed not to call out in return.

"Loki!" Thor's thunderous voice intruded into their little world again, and said Norse God grimaced.

"Yes, yes, yes" Loki muttered "Loki this, brother that…So, very dull, my former brother... For a thousand years it's been wallop this, shout at that…" he turned to the woman cowering at his feet "Is it really so surprising that…" he broke off abruptly, an appalled look on his face. "Truly, you do inspire confidences, do you not, mort" he nudged her with his toe, none too gently. "What is your secret, hmm? Are you a witch who has ensorcelled the Odinson? You would hardly be the first…"

Darcy shook her head wildly. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her as some sort of threat…or rival.

"Well, what to do with you…" mused the Norse god, stepping back from her. His hands steepled thoughtfully at his lips he paused for a long moment: Darcy could nearly see the plans being made and discarded as she waited. A moment later a brief smirk flashed across his saturnine face. He beckoned imperiously, and the brunette obligingly scrambled to her feet. He didn't move back; crowding into her space, his tall, sparse frame towering over her. Darcy twitched in response to his subtle aggression, but remained passive.

"It looks like our time here is done, Alice" he said smoothly, bowing briefly to the bronze child who had resumed her frozen stance atop the mushroom. Even as he spoke the green bubble around them began shrinking rapidly, drawing closer around them, growing denser and darker, the shimmer of the surface thickening to an oily flux.

"Enjoy your trip through the looking glass, Darcy" said the Asgardian with an arch smile. "Give my brother my…love, when you get back to Manhattan" He took two quick steps back from her as the growing green wall rushed in, shrinking and becoming denser as it neared the frightened woman. Darcy lurched backward in a vain attempt to evade the rushing sphere, yelping as she stumbled in her unfamiliar heels and nearly tumbled to the ground. The susurration of wings surrounded her as she careened into the flock of pigeons, startling them pell mell into the air.

Darcy shrieked and batted wildly at the frenzied birds, feeling their sharp claws catching in her hair and their solid wings battering her about the arms and chest. An instant later they were gone; not even a feather to be seen and Darcy found herself facing the god of mischief across an empty tarmac.

Panting, she swept her bedraggled hair from her face and grimaced; Loki's gaze was focused past shoulder, watching something with a disquieting smirk on his lean face. Nervously, she turned to look at what had arrested his gaze: The familiar New York skyline had reappeared; but there was a disturbing silvery pall hanging over it that flickered the evening light. In the distance she could hear the distinctive sound of Stark's thrusters and the whine of the Quinjet's engines, both strangely muffled as the fluctuating mass overtook them.

Darcy opened her mouth to ask Loki what was happening when, with an abrupt gesture from the Norse god, Darcy felt herself swept off her feet, flying through the air until with a sickening lurch she impacted the remnants of the dome. It stretched and reformed around her, turning inside out until she was encompassed by its remnants.

Darcy tried to scream but the air around her had gained a solidity that made it difficult to breathe. Helplessly, she flailed against the green surrounding her, trying to reach the outer edges of the bubble. Reality slid through her fingers like putty, and as one hand passed in front of her face, she realized she could see through it like some sort of illustrated maquette. There was her skin, dissolving back to show muscle, veins, and bones until reality twisted again and she wore her bones outside her skin like a child's Halloween costume. Darcy retched at the sight; at the slick movement of bones on flesh and the feel of green inside her.

In a desperate attempt to block out the image she closed her eyes only to realize that it made no difference; in this place she could see what was happening to her without sight. Hearing a slippery pull she looked down and saw her entrails unspooling themselves from her body, wobbling out into the green to disappear into the distance. The sound made all the nerves in her head spasm and her stomach revolted in response, twisting in upon itself, wobbling and knotting as she felt herself being squeezed and pulled; somehow both at the same time.

For an instance Darcy's sight cleared and she saw a world, devastated, destroyed; graceful buildings smoking ruins, a sky grown dark with smoke; the moon hanging too large and too low. It seemed that she would collide with the remnant of one of the ruined buildings, a particularly ornate affair that had once thrust aggressive and dominant into the sky, and Darcy shrieked.

Then there was a tremendous rush of air, a bone shaking pop, and a heartbeat later she felt herself falling. Surprisingly, her tumble was halted after only a few feet; unfortunately it was halted by the simple fact that she had slammed into the ground. The shock of the impact drove the breath from her lungs and made Technicolor spots dance across her vision.

Her stomach continued its unnerving acrobatics as Darcy attempted to catch her breath. Groaning in pain and dismay; she rolled over and shakily lifted herself to her hands and knees. He stomach continued its mad dance and, surrendering to the inevitable, she let it have its way. A few moments later the cookies and tea she had consumed were being forcefully ejected from her body. "You fucker… you fucker...you miserable little fucker…" Darcy cursed as she hacked and gasped her way through several rounds of breathtaking nausea.


	8. Chapter 8

Once the nausea and dizziness had passed Darcy levered herself up gingerly, sitting back on her haunches and looking around to see where she was. The location was unfamiliar; she was obviously in a small park, the well trimmed lawns and neat bushes were a dead giveaway. She gingerly climbed to her feet and turned around, wary of her still upset stomach. Not far from her there was a large a large, square brick building; it didn't look at all familiar to Darcy, at least not from her recent ramblings in the park. Closer by there was some sort of statue; leerily Darcy walked around the monument until she was facing it dead on. From the front it depicted a young girl, trapped in the moment where she was passing through some sort of glass pane.

"Now it's Alice through the looking glass" she muttered. "Well, isn't that just too fucking creepy. Alien trickster gods should not know that much about children's literature." Turning back towards the building she hefted her bag, preparing to head in the direction of the big, gray, crumbly building to see if she could figure out where she was, when, from her bag the first strains of _Iron Man_ rang out from her tablet.

Darcy quickly snatched up her bag, which had somehow managed to follow her through Loki's portal. Pushing aside various and sundry items she dug down until she reached the Stark Technology tablet. Getting a firm grasp on it she dragged it out and ran a finger across the biometric scanner to activate it "Tony?" she squeaked "Is that you?"

"You okay kid?"

"I'm fine!" she replied, mostly managing to keep the tears out of her voice. "He didn't do anything to me, except scare me. But I don't know where I am. There's a statue of Alice, and gardens, a big gray building, and the Union Jack…and I see lots of buildings not too far away" Darcy gasped for breath as delayed panic ripped through her; setting her heart pounding and limbs trembling.

"It's okay, kiddo" Tony's voice soothed over the tablet's speakers as a close up shot of his face appeared on the screen "I've pulled your GPS data; you're in Guildford, in England, just a few miles south of London. That's Guildford Castle you see over there. Is Rainbow Games still there?"

Darcy looked around, trying to spot the Asgardian "I don't see him, but…"

"Yeah, that don't mean nothing." Tony's eyes shifted away from the screen, something had obviously pulled his attention elsewhere. Darcy realized that she was seeing him on some sort of suit cam "Okay, old Winky McRidingMyAss says he's got someone coming to retrieve you. Just sit tight and keep calm. He says you'll recognize your pick up; don't go with anyone you don't know." He rolled his eyes "And don't take any candy from strangers or answer the phone when Mama Fury's not home."

Darcy giggled. It came out a little damp, but passable.

"You're doing fine kid. Do me a favor? Hold your tablet up vertically for me." Darcy obediently raised the device "Yeah, like that. Now keep it there and turn around slowly…" As Darcy began a slow revolution she heard a sotto voiced "Jarvis, scan that incoming image for me, will you?"

A few moments later she had completed her circle and was waiting for Tony's pronouncement. "Looks okay" he mused "Pretty. But try to find some shelter; and keep yourself out of sight, just in case Rocky the Flying Squirrel Nuts comes back."

Darcy nodded dumbly and dropped back from the path. Spotting a bench tucked into a corner of the garden, overshadowed by large trees, she began moving carefully in its direction. Tottering, wobbly kneed, across the lawn on heels that seemed even less stable than they had at the beginning of this fiasco. Reaching the relative shelter of the overshadowing branches she sank down onto the bench with a wavering sigh. She was not going to cry. Not now. Maybe after she killed her boss and Director Fury…

A sudden flurry of motion in the distance caught her attention; a silver smudge was cutting through the blue sky, heading in her direction at a high rate of speed: The pickup that Stark had mentioned, no doubt. Realizing that her bout of vomiting had left a foul taste in her mouth, Darcy bent down to rummage through her bag in search of a stick of gum or some mints. She tried to ignore the fact that her hands were shaking so badly she could barely grasp things to shove them, frantically now, out of the way. She needed that gum: Now!

She finally found her pack of gum, and managed to rip a piece out of it and shove it into her mouth. The blast of mint made her mouth water and her stomach lurch; with a moan Darcy dropped her face into her hands and struggled to maintain her composure. Gradually the roiling in her stomach waned and her pulse ceased to pound in her head. Glancing up, she tried to spot the pick up vehicle: shouldn't it be here by now?

Suddenly, a sleek grey shape dove towards her from the clear blue sky. With a shriek Darcy reached into her bag and pulled out her taser. Thumbing off the trigger lock off she aimed it at the bird and pressed the button. The chattering sound of the taser firing filled the air.

With a wet thwack the attacking bird blew up; filling the air briefly with feathers and pigeon guts. Darcy gaped at the spot where the bird had been. "That" she said nervously, "was not supposed to happen"

"Oh! Bravo, Darcy!" said a voice from over her shoulder. Darcy gasped and spun, knocking her bag to the ground as she struggled to bring the taser to bear on the Norse god who had reappeared behind her.

"We'll not be doing that again, I think" said Loki archly, and with a quick flutter of an elegant hand the taser disappeared. Darcy shrank away from the mad god and tried to appear as non-threatening as humanly possible.

"I thought you were done, Loki?" it came out as a petulant whine; she certainly hadn't intended it that way but her ability to cope with his brand of obnoxious was wearing thin.

"Did you truly believe that you would be permitted to leave with no forfeit?" he queried gently, laughter dancing in his bright green eyes. "Since I am certain that any gengäld my brother would think to offer would be…insufficient. I shall have to extract my own."

"Gengäld?" murmured Darcy faintly.

"Everything has a price, Darcy, my pet..." Loki smiled; it was not a nice smile "and I will collect it in good time. Until then…" Leaning forward he slid one long fingered hand under her chin and tilted her face up to his. Bending swiftly he pressed his mouth to hers. When Darcy didn't obediently open her mouth to him he dug his fingers into her jaw until the cruel pressure of his fingers forced her to open to him. His tongue dipped between her lips, stealing the fresh taste of mint, and causing her stomach to threaten rebellion once again. Darcy was left gasping and spluttering when he finally released her from his grasp.

"We shall have to work on that" he commented, stepping back and fastidiously wiping his mouth.

"You!" Darcy breathed "You….you…what!" tears were springing to her eyes as she glared at the Asgardian before her "Don't you ever do that again!"

The God of Mischief gave her a smug look, turned, and began walking away. "You will beg me for it someday, my pet" he threw back over his shoulder. A flutter of wings exploded from overhead and one of his minions dropped down to walk, bobble headed, behind him.

Darcy hissed in annoyance at the arrogant beings words. There was no way in Hell she'd ever give that jackass the satisfaction…

As he disappeared from her sight, blurring and fading into nothing, she felt a cool breeze at the back of her neck. "You owe me, Darcy Lewis," it whispered softly into her ear "for your fragile life and sanity. Do not doubt that I will collect."

It was several minutes before Darcy felt able to do anything but tremble. Loki had kissed her: and not the nice _I think you're kind of cute_ kiss either, but a battering kiss that spoke of punishment and ownership. The memory of his too cool lips on hers made her dizzy and she fell limply against the bench's arm.

What was he planning? Why did he pick her? Darcy felt her breathing roughen and realized that she was about to start panicking again. Digging her nails into the palms of her hands she struggled for control, there would be time for this later; when she was safe.

Would she ever be safe?

He had kissed her, and said she'd beg for more... He said she owed him… Had said he would collect… Once again her mind turned back to the touch of his lips…and his hands. Where had his hands been when he was kissing her? Had he done something to her?

She needed to think about something else. Anything else. Straightening, she groped around blindly until her hands found her tablet "Tony?" she whispered, her voice catching in her throat.

"Yes, cupcake?" the cocky voice blared over the speaker of her tablet.

"Is this line private?"

"Just you and me sweetheart. Planning on declaring your undying love for your favorite billionaire?"

Darcy swallowed a sob before replying to the cocksure inventor. "No. I was wondering if you were interested in my thoughts on the ASPEN protocols?"

There was a brief silence on the line "That's way above your paygrade, cupcake" he commented cautiously.

Darcy smiled weakly and hummed noncommittally in response to his cautious response. "Perhaps. But I think I have a solution to your problem with the g-sine wave coefficient in terms of resource consumption at the terabite level and higher." She shrugged, even though it was likely that he couldn't see the action "just a thought as I was browsing your servers the other day."

The line was silent several moments. Darcy imagined that he was consulting with JARVIS, trying to determine who had given her access to Stark Tech's secure servers; or even when she had been accessing them. She wished him luck with that.

"Huh" came Stark's voice, a little more wary now than before. "That g-sine wave coefficient has been problematic since Mark VII." Darcy didn't respond. He'd get there soon enough. The silence stretched: in the distance Darcy could hear a building scream as something moving very fast drew closer.

"What do you want, Lewis?" the inventor's voice was cautious. Darcy grinned, now she had him!

"A job" she replied succinctly. "One that is not with SHIELD" she continued. "We can discuss it when I get back to the tower" she said "my ride is here" and she switched off her phone as Thor landed heavily in front of her.


End file.
